Kids who are grieving…
When someone you love dies, you might feel as though you are the only person in the world feeling the way you do. The truth is that you’re not alone. Everyday, there are other kids who lose a brother or sister, a mom or a dad, a grandma or a grandpa…someone that they love. And even though no one’s feelings are exactly the same, you are all grieving.
“Grieving” is when you miss the person who has passed away. It’s that empty feeling you get when you remember that they’re gone. You might feel angry or sad or confused. You might feel like crying or sleeping, playing or going to school—and you might not. You might get stomachaches or headaches. You might want to be with your friends or spend some time alone. Whatever you are feeling, it’s okay to feel that way.
The grownups in your family might be grieving too. That might make you scared you will hurt their feelings if you talk about how you feel. The truth is that most grownups would be more sad if you didn’t share your feelings with them, so give it a try. You can also talk a teacher, minister, or counselor. Sometimes, it even helps to talk to a friend. If you don’t feel like sharing your feelings, that’s okay too. Maybe you could write in a journal or draw pictures about how you feel.
Sometimes, other people might forget that kids grieve. It’s okay to politely remind them, “Someone I love died”.
Sometimes, people might say things to make you feel better but it hurts your feelings instead. Or, sometimes, people won’t say anything at all because they think talking about it will upset you. It’s okay for you to say, “It hurt my feelings…” and tell them why.
And remember, it’s okay to feel angry or sad or whatever you are feeling--you can’t control what feelings you have--BUT you can control what you do with those feelings. Make positive choices to let those feelings out and take good care of yourself…the way the person you love who died would want you to.
For the Grownups who love them…
Someone you loved has died. Now imagine that everyone around you is trying to shelter you from having any involvement with funeral arrangements or the cause of the death. Would you be angry? Would you be confused?
Though this is no doubt a difficult time for you and your family, please try to remember to include your kids as much as possible. Let them help with the funeral arrangements, talk to them about your beliefs, help them to understand the cause behind the death.
Very young children (2 and younger) may not understand anything more than the fact that their routine has been changed or that mom and dad are upset. Try to comfort them as best you can with continuity and reassurance. Talk to them about their loved one who has died.
Preschoolers understand a lot more than they are able to express. This may result in their acting out by “fit throwing” or having angry outbursts. Let them be creative in expressing their grief with drawings or play doh. Talk to them about their loved one who has died.
Adolescents will have differing reactions. Some will become withdrawn as they try to keep their feelings from upsetting you. Some will become anxious as they wonder about their own death. They may experience more somatic feelings such as headaches or stomachaches. Encourage them to keep a journal or express themselves in other ways. Talk to them about their loved one who has died.
Teenagers will most likely become distracted or withdrawn. They may feel they need to fill the role of “caregiver” to help lessen your burden. They also may question their existence. They may turn to friends for support. Talk to them about their loved one who has died.
Talking to them about their loved one who has died…are you seeing a theme here? Many kids don’t know it’s okay to bring up the subject until they get the cue from the adults in their lives. Your loss is undoubtedly one of the most difficult things you have gone through. You need to take care of yourself first and foremost or it will be impossible to help your child. If you are struggling with your own feelings, it might be a good idea to ask another adult you trust to be the support your child needs. If anyone in your family is experiencing symptoms of severe depression or extreme variations of the above mentioned feelings, seek professional help
The grief that children feel following a loss is unlike any other form of grief. Often, children are so great at disguising their feelings that adults may not even know when a child is not coping well with loss. Thankfully, a child does not have to grieve alone. The Center For Grieving Children located in Portland, Maine, helps children deal with loss in a group home environment.
The Center For Grieving Children provides children with peer support, but this center also provides a form of in house care for those parents that are coping with a serious disease. In addition, the center also helps those within the Portland community that are dealing with a recent loss. Children that have gone through a particularly hard loss, will find that the Center For Grieving Children is a great comfort when the world seems large and lonely. To find out more information about the center, visit www.cgcmaine.org.
If you know a child that is having a hard time following the death of a loved one, The Center for Grieving Children will be able to help that child find life once again. Though children may not express their grief in the same manner that adults do, they often feel pain at a much deeper level. Instead of allowing a child to grieve on their own, contact the center and find out how you can help those that you love. Remember, grief is something that children will eventually cope with .. but they will never get over the empty feeling of loss.
http://www.grievingchildren.org/
Last month,Chris Chena personally dominated our Big Board as the buyer of 8 of the 10 most valuable domains listed. No one individual had ever done that before (and we’ll be surprised if anyone ever does it again). The South American domain investor/developer spent over half a million dollars that week. Very few 27-year-olds have access to that kind of money and until recently, neither did Chena.
Chris was born in Asunción, the capital of Paraguay in late 1977. Chena told us “I grew up in the heart of South America in a country were summer lasts all year long and it is a place I really enjoy. The image the rest of the world has of my country is one of poverty and insecurity, but it is a nation of very hard-working and friendly people - in fact I think that the friendliness and warmth of the Paraguayan people has no match.”
At home in Asunción, Paraguay
“I come from a very humble family, though we never lacked anything,” Chena said. “Thanks to the constant work of my father Alfredo Chena and the care of my mother Nérida Núñez, we progressed towards a middle-class lifestyle and we all strived to further our education. Even now, my father is a dedicated student. He started working as a banker when he was very young and is now also a business manager, accountant and lawyer who is very respected among his peers. My mother represents the dedicated and hard-working Paraguayan woman and from her I inherited an untiring devotion to my work as well as my stubbornness! I will repeat something over and over until it works out, never turning back. It’s my family’s legacy.”
When Chena was three years old his family moved to a small neighborhood in the outskirts of the capital. He recalls a very happy childhood even though he didn’t quite fit in with the other kids. “I was more interested in mental activities than physical,” Chena said. “Everyone else loved football (soccer to Americans), fights and physical games. I was the introverted kid - shy, curious and with an inclination towards science and literature. Initially that was a problem for me in relating to other kids my age. They considered me a “fool” for not being part of the group and a fan of the things they followed. The only times I really felt like socializing with the group was when they showed off their computers or their latest videogame consoles - something I couldn’t afford at the time. In Paraguay, especially back then, it was a luxury to have those kinds of things and I loved playing with them when they would let me!
In many parts of the world, the most memorable day many kids have is when they get their first bike. For Chena, the special day was when he got his first computer! “My best moment came when my father, after saving a lot of money from a long assignment in Uruguay, bought me my first PC, which ran on an Intel 286. I was 13 and it was my dream come true. I was fascinated with what a great tool the computer was and I immediately began researching everything related to computers; design, animation, programming and of course I filled my computer with games and viruses in record time - I dare anyone to beat me at it!” Chena smiled.
Of course, computers really come to life when they are connected to the Internet. Chena said “Paraguay was one of the last countries in South America to have access to the Internet, so at first I had to quench my thirst for “sharing information” by using local networks - bulletin board systems, local chat rooms and things like that. Finally in 1998 I got Internet access and it almost broke my family’s budget because I spent so many hours doing online research with a dial-up connection!”
A year after getting on the web, Chena decided he wanted to study something he found especially fascinating – 3D animation. In 1999, he started taking classes on the subject at a local technical school. Chena recalled, “after I finished the course I presented an amateurish little short film that ran 3-4 minutes. My teacher really liked it and pushed me to enter it in a national video competition. I was skeptical but I did it and was surprised to be invited to an awards ceremony in a luxurious hotel where the various films were presented. The event was broadcast on a national TV network and to my surprise, I won first place in my category!
All of the sudden, various companies, advertising agencies and media networks started calling on Chena to do special projects for them. At age 21 he founded his first company and ran it from a small room in the back of his house. “I specialized in creating animation and multimedia products,” Chena said. We did several jobs including presentations and interactive CDs for many important companies in Paraguay and even for the government.” Chena’s company was a true one-stop shop, providing programming, design, animation and music scoring, merging everything seamlessly together in the final product.
In 2000 the company launched what became the first multimedia magazine in Paraguay. “With that bi-monthly publication we reached all of the computer users in the country and drew the attention of major companies that didn’t know this kind of material could be produced inside our national territory,” Chena said. His client base exploded, prompting him to move briefly into professional office space. However he soon moved the office back home because after months of working practically around the clock he decided he had to have his bed nearby.
To avoid burnout, Chena realized he would have to rework his business model and find a way to serve large markets with less effort. Welcome to the domain world! During his late night research on new areas of e-business, he read about some high ticket domain sales and why domains were valuable electronic assets. At first he was skeptical, thinking it was just another get rich quick scheme. Still he was intrigued, so he decided he would stick a toe in the water. In case the sales reports were smoke and mirrors (which some from those days did in fact turn out to be) he decided he would instead build real businesses on a domain or two and sell intangible goods that wouldn’t require maintaining an inventory, shipping and a large staff.
Chena told us, “my first commercial site was ProDominios.com, a domain reseller site for eNom which I used to fill an empty market space in my country – a place to register .com domains at a low price. In Paraguay, any domain registration or hosting company would charge you up to $50 for a .com. You can imagine how mad they were when ProDominios appeared offering Paraguay a chance to register their domains for less than $8! When I first opened some ISPs even blocked my page, but after talking with them I got them to stop doing that!”
“The business was a complete success. Within a couple of months it was taking over the market and I decided to add a hosting service at a very low price too,” Chena said. As he became more comfortable with Internet business he finally started dabbling in buying and selling domains. “I listed some on Afternic and Sedo and began exchanging information with other users on the domain forums. I lost a lot of money at first, but before long I was selling many domains at a pretty good price for an amateur!” Still Chena felt domains could be even more productive if he stopped selling them and concentrated on buying and developing them.
“Thank God I was able to connect with the right people and for some reason they were patient and kind when I contacted them for help or information - people like Rob Takovich, Thunayan K. AL-Ghanim (Elequa), Igal Lichtman and Cameron Johnson.
I have sacrificed the free hours of my youth for this business I love and I don’t have much of a social life, but on the other hand I know and get to work with wonderful people and learn from them, as they learn from me. It’s a never-ending cycle and I do not see it as a job,” Chena said.
Chena’s development projects, many of them based on blue chip Spanish keywords, have flourished. “From the day I decided to start acquiring domain names my goal has been to acquire only those names that represent an entire category that is popular on the Internet or at least a broad part of its spectrum. That is why I bought Juegos.com (games in Spanish) and not Ajedrez.com (chess) for example. The same goes for other acquisitions like Viajes.com (travel) and Computadoras.com (computers). The plan is to create an entertainment and information network with useful services for Spanish-speaking users and it echoes back to most things I do: filling up empty spaces to improve those that haven’t been properly attended to.”
Chena already has the makings of an empire in place. “We’re entertaining over 7 million visitors each month, and having tens of millions of ads shown each month. The traffic is growing and we intend to double it in one year,” he said. “It is the results from these online businesses that provide the money for my company’s big domain acquisitions. Though I have to admit, not all that I earn on my businesses is re-invested on the Internet. I also use many of my “e-earnings” in other offline conventional businesses, as well as personal projects for education and more philanthropic deeds. But without doubt, the main source of my income is (and will probably always be) the Internet.”
There is no reason to doubt that, especially with the astronomical growth in Hispanic use of the Internet. “It is stunning,” Chena said. “According to an AOL study, Hispanic people spend 43% more time online when at work and 13% more time online when at home than the rest of the online population. Comscore Networks, a firm that measures Internet traffic, indicated that you can add a minimum of 20% growth every year to the over 15 million Spanish-speaking users online. This number seems a little too low for me, since many friends in Mexico and countries around Paraguay keep telling me about how fast Internet connections in their countries are growing. 37% of the Hispanic users in that study indicated that they would increase their ecommerce activities. I’ve seen it myself, as my number of transactions from Spanish-speaking users has doubled on several of the sites that draw ecommerce related traffic.”
Though Chena originally gravitated toward domains with the idea of lightening his workload, he is still at it 7 days a week. “Many colleagues ask me why I don’t just park the Spanish domains and earn PPC (pay per click) income, or take one of the large offers I have received from major companies and advertising networks (I’ve declined offers for millions of Euros on sites like Juegos.com and Viajes.com). I believe that when you have high traffic related to a Spanish language market with relatively limited online options, the ideal thing is to develop those niches and centralize them in a portal that represents what users look for in each generic domain name. Then you enrich the site with additional services that improve their online experience. To show you what happens when you do this, Juegos.com got about 15,000 unique visitors a day when I acquired it, now with the site fully developed it welcomes 65,000-100,000 unique visitors a day, also feeding a database of double opt-in subscribers for our email marketing service; loyal subscribers who respond to the offers and services that we present to the Spanish market,” Chena said.
Obviously, in the long standing debate over whether it makes more sense to monetize your domains through a PPC parking program or development, Chena has chosen development. But he agrees that one size does not fit all. “I believe that it is impossible to tell which one will work better for all cases. It depends on many factors, especially the resources each domainer has to work with. In my case, based on my experience, developing is the best option, and that’s what I am dedicated to doing with my team at Chena Ventures,” Chena said.
“PPC is always the easy way in, there’s no doubt about it - costs are reduced, support is reduced, income is “stable” month to month. But then again the best way to improve those profits is by developing," Chena said. “Lets assume that I decided to only make money through PPC. I wouldn’t be happy with just parking the names. I would at least develop some minimum content on the sites. This will help segment the information depending on the ads that pay more per click and will also increase the traffic. Based on sales, subscriptions, or earnings per click, I think a little developing almost always helps maximize monetization,” Chena said.
“Maybe this question can be answered with another example from my personal experience. Two years ago I bought a “typo” that had 450 visitors a day. I had no idea of what to do with the traffic so I parked the domain, first with a PPC company then on a site with a little content and Google Adsense. I was making $90 a day on the best of days, not bad for a typo that only cost me $650 to buy. Two months later I decided to try something new and integrated an ebook that was related to what most users where looking for on the site and I charged a small fee to access the content. Suddenly my earnings jumped to $400 a day. If I had left the domain parked in this case I would’ve had a good profit since I only paid $650 for the domain, but if I hadn’t dug deeper and invested in development, I would’ve never seen the $12,000 per month that the domain eventually reached.”
Chena added “I’m not saying this will work in every case. You always have to study your visitors and what they look for, and there is obviously some work and money to invest into developing each domain. In any case, even if development does not produce a major increase in revenue immediately, it at least ensures that traffic will grow with time much more than if you had left the domain undeveloped.”
One domain Chena can’t wait to fully develop is Paraguay.com which he acquired for $150,000 during that buying spree last month. “Paraguay.com will be focused on bringing investments to our country and for certain types of selective tourism. Every day I receive messages at Paraguay.com from people that want to buy properties in the green and exotic areas of our country, as well as travelers asking for the best hotels, popular places to visit, etc. Even though I paid a lot for the domain, that is much less important that the responsibility I now have to handle the image of my own country on the Internet. Just a few days after acquiring the domain, I received a call from a government agency wanting to invest in the project. It filled me with pride, and obviously showed us that the right decision was made,” Chena said.
One of the most interesting things we can tell you about Chena is that he currently owns very few domains. He has been such an active buyer that many people assume he holds a huge portfolio but that is not the case. “I’ve sold most of them, and literally got rid of all the typos and alternative extensions at prices that are now considered very low," Chena said. "I now stress quality over quantity and have just over 70 domains, compared to the 400 that I used to have.”
Of course the 70+ domains he holds are nearly all crown jewels. His personal favorites are the newly acquired Paraguay.com and Juegos.com which are both under development. Chena added, “close behind are Viajes.com, the leader in the market for Hispanic travel (which will be officially launched next month) and Animation.com, which represents my affinity for animated digital art. I also have the Spanish version of the latter, Animacion.com, which is developed and is a place filled with animations from Spanish-speaking authors.”
Chena’s name has become synonymous with the Spanish market – but he is not the only one mining that lucrative space. “There is competition in this business as in any other, but luckily for me, the main Spanish domain investor/developers are friends of mine. Hopefully they’ll end up selling me their domains!,” Chena laughed.
“Seriously though, I’ve noticed that there is more competition and the prices are going up on the Hispanic domain market. My friends at Sedo say, “Chena, it’s your fault!” However, many are new players that want to gather domains in the “virgin” Hispanic market and benefit from its constant growth. But what happens is that, being new at this, they will probably not pay the prices I or other active domainers in the market will pay, since we know the business and know where to press the right buttons to develop and monetize Hispanic traffic to the highest degree possible.”
“I’m not about to obtain all of the Spanish domains, I’m only interested in those that match what I mentioned earlier. It would hurt to see the rest of the Spanish domains just parked on English PPC pages, or even worse, giving an error page, so I am happy when the Hispanic domain market moves and gets new .com sales, especially if the buyers are Hispanic developers,” Chena said.
In many countries, the local ccTLD extension is very popular, even rivaling .com in places like Germany (.de) and the UK (.co.uk). We wondered what Chena thought of the prospects for his country’s extension - .py. “To tell you the truth I only have the .com.py extensions for my own businesses," Chena said. The main reason is that Paraguayan traffic operates in a strange way, and they are more used to typing the .com than the ccTLD, probably more than most other countries. Even Paraguayan companies register more .coms nowadays, and that’s one of the reasons why my domain registration service, ProDominios.com, has become so popular. The other is that the number of Paraguayan users is still very scarce, something I intend to change with time, investing in new services and promoting the use of the Internet in my country."
Though his web enterprises keep Chena occupied almost every waking hour, he does have one weakness that occasionally pulls him away from the computer. “Yes, I love movies!,” Chena declared. “I have a big room with a home theater and a collection of thousands of original DVDs, from movies to my favorite TV series (The Sopranos, CSI, etc.), I’m always hunting for something new at Amazon. Every time I get the chance I invite friends to my place and we have a good session of movies and pizza.”
“Though I try to watch at least one movie a day, sometimes I just can’t detach myself from the PC. In fact, I work 7 days a week and barely sleep. Most of the time, my best ideas come when I’m about to fall asleep and I interrupt my sleeping to follow up on them! My schedule is highly unstable. I believe this is the case for some other people in this business too."
Still, Chena wouldn’t want anyone to feel sorry about his workaholic ways. “Work” is just an expression,” he said. “To me this is a pleasure, almost fun! Thank God it is something I love that (without having it as an objective) gives great results money-wise and allows me to forget about that factor, so I can dedicate myself to providing my users with what they are searching for, having fun on the way and learning every day.”
While Chena’s big buys often put his name in the spotlight, he is not used to being the center of attention. “I am a very shy person and very dedicated to my work so I don’t have a very active social life. The best way for me to reach people is through my work and many of the people I admire the most are people I haven’t personally met, but they have my respect whether it be for what they are bringing to our community of domainers or for the kind attention they have given me; Ari Goldberger, Ron Jackson, Adam Dicker (DNForum), Matty Purtell (DomainState), Mike Davidson (seed investor of Paypal), Matías de Tezanos, Alberto Dominguez and Greg Manriquez, just to name a few,” Chena said.
Though his career is just beginning, Chena has crammed a lifetime of learning into the past few years. Based on his experience, he has some advice for those who might want to follow in his path. “To all domainers that are starting, I want to say that it might be hard at the beginning, but the best shortcut is to learn more and participate on the forums. Almost all domainers have a great characteristic, they help each other and they have no problem in giving advice to improve your business and to make your first step the right one!” Being a person that others now look to for advice seems strange to Chena. “Something that keeps amazing me is that many consider me a “big player”. I feel like I am just starting and that there is much to learn and definitively much more still to do. The real big players for me are the ones I mentioned in this interview
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If you are concerned about discussing death with your children, you are not alone. Many of us hesitate to talk about death, particularly with youngsters. But death is an inescapable fact of life. We must deal with it, and so must our children. If we are to help them, we must let them know it's okay to talk about it.
By talking to our children about death, we may discover what they know and do not know; if they have misconceptions, fears, or worries. We can then help them by providing information, comfort, and understanding. Talk does not solve all problems, but without talk, we are even more limited in our ability to help.
What we say about death to our children, or when we say it, will depend on their ages and experiences. It will also depend on our own experiences, beliefs, feelings, and the situations in which we find ourselves, for each situation we face is somewhat different. Some discussions about death may be stimulated by a news report or a television program and take place in a relatively unemotional atmosphere. Other talks may result from a family crisis and be charged with emotions.
This information cannot possibly deal with every situation. It does provide some general information which may be helpful and which may be adapted to meet each family's needs.
Children are aware
Long before we realize it, children become aware of death. They see dead birds, insects, and animals lying by the road. They may see death at least once a day on television or on video games. They hear about it in fairy tales and act it out in their play. Death is a part of everyday life, and children, at some level, are aware of it.
If we permit children to talk to us about death, we can give them needed information, prepare them for a crisis, and help them when they are upset. We can encourage their communication by showing interest in and respect for what they say. We can also make it easier for them to talk to us if we are open, honest, and comfortable with our own feelings. Perhaps we can make it easier for ourselves and for our children if we take a closer look at some of the problems that might make communication difficult.
Have been very interested in this blog and the wonderful, thoughtful lady that has developed it to help others in their time of grief, This site is a wealth of knowledge and should be read by all who have suffered a loss or are grieving and looking for help
http://www.familygrieving.com
This is a foundation of Angels, When I met the Founder Dr. Joanne Cacciatore 7 yrs ago at a memorial candle ceremony, I felt like there were others who understood!,Such a warm and caring person, Truly a marvelous Women, Please let me share this wonderful organization with you....
The MISS Foundation is a 501 (c) 3, volunteer based organization committed to providing crisis support and long term aid to families after the death of a child from any cause. MISS also participates in legislative and advocacy issues, community engagement and volunteerism, and culturally competent, multidisciplinary, education opportunities.
A Message from Dr. Joanne Cacciatore, Founder
Welcome to the MISS Foundation's online support site. If you are a family member experiencing the death of a child, we extend our deepest empathy. There simply are not words to express the depth of the sorrow...we are here to share the pain and we want you to know that we will walk with you.
There is so much to learn and see in the MISS Foundation website. In addition to the online support site, we also have face-to-face support groups in certain areas. The "Families" section contains current and back issues of our award-winning newsletter, MISSing Angels, as well as our online support groups, a place to find face-to-face support or information on beginning your own MISS Foundation Support Chapter, and even a downloadable funeral planner.
The online "Forums" contain 27 online support groups with thousands of members and we welcome you to join our online community.
In our professionals section,there is information on our workshops and speakers available to present in your facility about many topics relating to child death.
And there is so much more information contained in our pages...take your time and browse. Feel free to ask questions and know that there is no greater tragedy than the death of a child. You do not walk alone.
Joanne Cacciatore, PhD, MSW, FT
About MISS
More than 120,000 children die every year in the United States. Of those, more than 80% die before their first birthday...
The MISS Foundation is a nonprofit corporation committed to helping families discover hope and eventually heal from the trauma of a child's death.
More information on the MISS Foundation visit our information packet link:
http://www.missfoundation.org/news/mediakit/index.html
Vision
That our programs will serve to strengthen families and communities when a child has died, and that through education and research, we will help to reduce the number of child deaths. No family should have to endure the pain of a child family member's death alone: The MISS Foundation is committed to building interdisciplinary communities that provide long-term support to families after a child's death. We are committed to the memory of the children who lived, who died, and who continue- even in death- to matter.
"A community of sorrow is the strongest community of all."
Memorial Donations
You may make a memorial donation in memory of a child. Acknowledgements will be listed in the MISSing Angels Newsletter and acknowledgement memorial cards sent. The monies will be used for our Emergency Services program, which provides free literature, books, and support group brochures to families who have experienced the death of their child. You can sponsor an entire Emergency Packet. We will also include a Kindness Project card signed in honor of your child or grandchild.
Memorial Donations or Emergency Packet Sponsors can send their gift to:
MISS Foundation- Memorial Donations
P.O. Box 5333
Peoria, Arizona 85385-5333
Or Donate Online
All donations are tax deductible
To contact the MISS Foundation:
International Office
1.623.979.1000
1.623.979.1001 fax
Toll Free in the U.S.
888 455-MISS (6477)
Written inquiries:
PO Box 5333
Peoria, Arizona 85385-5333
Email:
info@missfoundation.org
Sometimes a loss is just too much to bear on our own. There are some things in life that we are simply ill-equipped to deal with. Losing someone who is extremely close to us, such as a child, spouse, parent, or sibling, can literally push us to the brink. And, unfortunately, those that remain behind are not always able to help us deal with the grieving process. As much as they may want to help and support, if they haven’t experienced the loss as well they may not know how to meet your needs.
It is circumstances like this that require some outside assistance. While many people feel that there is a negative stigma attached to reaching out for professional help, there is no truth to that myth, especially in cases of grief. When you have lost someone close to you, there is no reason why you should be able to simply “snap out of it” on your own. However, if you are going to be able to move forward and rebuild your life it is important that you seek out help when the pain becomes too much for you to handle on your own.
There are a number of ways to get outside assistance. If you would feel more comfortable talking with a grief counselor or other mental health professional about your individual feelings and circumstances, often times churches or doctors’ offices can recommend good resources. Some people feel more comfortable confiding in a single person. However, there are a lot of benefits to be gained from being a part of a support group. Meeting and talking with people who have faced similar losses can help you to feel as though you are not alone and connect with people who can truly say that they understand what you are going through. Support groups can take place virtually on the internet, or they can meet in person in community centers and local churches. Again, your doctor or church may have information about the groups in your area. Also, an internet search can help you find where these support groups are meeting locally
I hope these previous articles on grief and trauma have helped all who have read them, I also have gone through this period and have tried to share some of these enlightening thought with you...........
There are more than 95,000 people on the organ transplant waiting list in the United States alone. This may not be the most comfortable discussion, but it is necessary to decide whether you want to donate the organs of your loved one or not. You may even want to make the decision to donate before the time of death. Making this decision is of monumental importance and could change the lives of those in need as well as their loved ones.
Here we will outline some of the myths surrounding organ donation that prevent many people from signing up to become an organ donor when the time comes.
Myth: The number one myth has got to be that people truly believe if they are organ donors, the hospital and emergency staff will not work as hard to save them.
Reality: This is simply not true. Dr.'s take a Hippocratic Oath to do what ever is possible to save any person that they treat. They will be working to save YOUR life, not someone else’s.
Myth: My loved ones will be charged a fee for organ donation.
Reality: No, they will not be charged a single penny. This one ranks at about a ten on the ridiculous scale. People who are on the waiting list are dying and the organs are more than greatly appreciated, free of charge.
Myth: My loved one has suffered greatly through an illness or tragedy and I don't want them to suffer any more.
Reality: This is a big one; your loved one is dead and they feel no pain. In fact, your loved one's death will be giving life to someone else and preventing another group of people from going through what you are going through right now. What greater way is there to memorialize your loved one than with the gift of life to another?
Having had to live thru this My self,Thought this may help others also.....
Often times those grieving the loss of a child, whether through miscarriage, stillbirth, disease, or accident, have incredible emotional hurdles to overcome. All loss is painful, but the pain of losing a child can be especially brutal because the grief is not just for the loss but also for the loss of the future that the child was meant to have. It can be extremely difficult for parents to heal, as every time a special occasion comes around the thoughts go back to the child who would have reached the new milestone and who is missing from the family.
There are ways, however, to process the grief. The most important thing to remember is that healing takes time, and while your life will never be the same there will come a time when you are able to stand on your own two feet again. Also, recognize that although your life has changed you do have some control over where it goes from here. You can choose what path to follow next. Realize that it won’t help your grief to ignore the life of your child. Talk about your child and the gift that he or she was. Honor your child’s life and memory.
Those who have lost a child should consider getting some therapy. It is an intense experience and can be difficult to struggle through on your own. It is normal to experience feelings of intense guilt, as well as sadness, and these powerful emotions can be overwhelming. Therapy can be very useful for couples, who will experience the grieving process differently even as they are grieving the same loss. Therapy can help you understand these differences and avoid conflict in your relationship. Remember too to take stock of your own health and the well-being of the rest of your family, as they will still need you too. Have patience with yourself and with your spouse, and ask for help when you need it.
Courtesy of familygrieving.com
The Kübler-Ross model describes in detail five stages of the grief process. These stages especially apply when the death was or will be related to a terminal illness.
Elizabeth Kübler-Ross, in her 1969 book "On Death and Dying", describes these five discrete stages as the process that one goes through when dealing with traumatic loss. These stages are not exclusive to death, but also include divorce and loss of freedom or income, any form of traumatic loss. For our purposes we will outline the five stages of the Kübler-Ross model as it applies to grieving due to terminal illness and/or death.
1. Denial: This is the initial stage when we are first presented with the news of a death. Even if death was inevitable due to illness or age, we still feel that it can not be happening.
2. Anger: Anger almost always follows Denial; it is an essential part of the process. Without going through the feelings of anger on the surface, we could not get deeper into the emotional complexities of grieving.
3. Bargaining: This is a stage that only some people go through and only in some instances. Bargaining is basically the bartering of your own life, soul or material goods in exchange for the continued life of a person or to end the suffering of those left behind to deal with the grieving process.
4. Depression: In this stage many people find that they are in good company, so to speak. Almost everyone dealing with grief goes through this stage. It is hard and virtually impossible at times to move on, at least for awhile and this is just simply depressing.
5. Acceptance: This stage is actually a process in and of itself. It takes time to reach this point and no one person reaches it in the same amount of time. This is truly the definition of "time heals all things". We do not forget the person, but we are now sure that we can go on.
Is there a difference between trauma and grief? In fact, there is. Many people that are suddenly stricken with grief do not know the fundamental differences between trauma and grief, but is it crucial that the two be easily recognizable in order to avoid any serious occurrence.
Trauma requires immediately professional attention, whereas grief is a normal part of any healing process. One that feels sad following a loss is certainly dealing with grief, but one that feels terrified may be confronting trauma. Those that are going through the effects of trauma will find it very difficult, if not impossible, to talk about death, and they are often afraid of loss and danger. When one experience trauma, the feelings and fears do not subside with time, which is the exact opposite of grief.
If you suspect that someone you know is dealing with trauma following a loss, you will want to seek medical help immediately. Trauma can often lead to physical harm, violence, and even health problems, so make sure that trauma is not left lingering. The real way to tell the difference between trauma and grief is to note that trauma is far more extreme than grief is. Understanding the differentiation between trauma and grief can really help to save someone’s life should you recognize the symptoms immediately. Remember, grief does take time, but if someone you love has suddenly lapsed into a state of constant fear, this sort of trauma is not a normal part of the
Every once and a while, a seemingly-simple email comes around that ends
up being quite profound. This is one of them. To some "just another e-mail" and then those of us who are having one of those days,This kind of thought is Heaven sent........Thanks Mokena/Dawn......
Awesome!! We complain about the cross we bear but don't realize it is
preparing us for the dip in the road that God can see and we cannot.
Whatever your cross,
whatever your pain,
there will always be sunshine, after the rain....
Perhaps you may stumble, perhaps even fall;
But God's always ready, to answer your call....
He knows every heartache, sees every tear,
a word from His lips, can calm every fear...
Your sorrows may linger, throughout the night,
But suddenly vanish, by dawn's early light...
The Savior is waiting, somewhere above,
to give you His grace, and send you His love.
May God fill your day with blessings!!
Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of
battle!
Well back from Chicago.. First off Dad is doing great after knee replacement, Working hard to get himself back to 100%,what do we do to help, We put a picture of his mansion in the desert above his workout station, that ought to have him running in no time..But also a great time spent with my children that live in Chicago, also my Grandaughter, WOW what a beautiful little girl and twice as smart as her Dad already lol......Got to have some of those famous Gene & Judes hot dogs, portillo's beef and a Dino's pizza, Are you drooling yet ?? Spent Saturday evening at my sister and husbands with 2 of my daughters, son, grand daughter,3 nephews and very pretty niece,and sister in-law A great evening it was.........Then was caroused around town till 4am with daughter and her boyfriend of which was more fun than I had in a while, A chip off the old block, the party genes we Sansones carry lol Here are some pics of the trip.............Didnt mention took two days to thaw out and the 4 hour delay at O'hare...
Does this say it all, and I live in Phoenix If you haven't got it yet
Snowstorm to Tornado Warnings in 7 days
But looking forward to it none the less,Actually very excited... Looking forward to seeing the "Kids" and Nephews and Nieces and MY GRAND DAUGHTER. Have not seen her since she was around 3 months old and now she is 2, and when she talks to me on the phone all problems of the world disappear, Going to town as my Dad is having a knee replacement, Been there for me for ever and ever, Glad I get to return the love in such a small way, But know all will go well cuz he has the best angel a person could ask for watching over him, But don't think I would go to Chi Town and not be ready to at least have a couple Gene and Jude's Hot Dogs...At Least...Some good Pizza NOT Arizona fake pizza..
Will keep you apprised as to how the trip went when I return next week....Should have some good pics for all to see..................Talk soon ..Chicago Mike
Some Thoughts From us...
If tears could build a stairway,
and memories a lane, I’d walk
right up to heaven and bring you
home again
A gift for such a little while,
your loss just seems so wrong,
you should not have left before us,
it’s with loved ones you belong
Happy 30th Birthday / Auntie Lisa
Thirty years ago today I remember walking home from Rosemont School 8th grade and feeling so happy that I was an Auntie. Little did I know the short time you would be in our lives but, the memories Oh God they will live in our daily thoughts and hearts forever! The void for all of us on a daily basis is so hard but what keeps me focused on you and not your horrible death is those Huge brown eyes and that sweet smile that was truly unforgetable to me. This family has so much love and so much more now due to our Angel Dawnie please watch over all of us my Birthday Girl. Happy 30th Green!
Love,
Aunt
Happy Birthday / Lisa V-Da (Friend)
Happy birthday to you Dawn. What are birthdays like in heaven? I miss you! Thank you for stopping me that Monday in November. I swear I can hear you say "It's all good". I love you Dawn.
Today would have been your 30th Birthday..1/2/2008 / Michael Sansone (Dad)
Today as I think of you, I have a smile in my face as I think of that night in 78 when you arrived, And then bitterness sort of sets in as I think of all missed as today you would have been 30! And then I realize that you are here , deeep in my heart and I will sing Happy Birthday to you , like all other years, And also have many many fond memories that will and could not be forgotten, So on this day my angel I hope you are watching and knowing we think of you always, and know you are in your place with the Lord,So today My angel I wish you a Happy Birthday and all the love in my heart.......Love always Dad
PLEASE visit her site at www.dawnsansone.memory-of.com
Recieved this yesterday and had to post
She jumped up as soon as she saw the surgeon come out of the
operating> room. She said: "How is my little boy ? Is he going to be all right ?>
When can I see him ?"> The surgeon said, "I'm sorry. We did all we could, but your
boy didn't> make it."> > Sally said, "Why do little children get cancer ? Doesn't
God care any> more ? Where were you, God, when my son needed you ?"> > The surgeon
asked, "Would you like some time alone with your son ? One> of the nurses will be
out in a few minutes, before he's transported to> the university."> > Sally asked
the nurse to stay with her while she said good bye to son.> She ran her fingers
lovingly through his thick red curly hair. "Would> you like a lock of his hair ?"
the nurse asked.> > Sally nodded yes. The nurse cut a lock of the boy 's hai r, put
it in a> plastic bag and handed it to Sally.> > The mother said, "It was Jimmy's
idea to donate his body to the> University for Study. He said it might help somebody
else. "I said no> at first, but Jimmy said, 'Mom, I won't be using it after I die.
Maybe> it will help some other little boy spend one more day with his Mom."> She
went on, "My Jimmy had a heart of gold. Always thinking of someone> else. Always
wanting to help others if he could."> > Sally walked out of Children's Mercy
Hospital for the last time, after> spending most of the last six months there. She
put the bag with> Jimmy's belongings on the seat beside her in the car.> > The drive
home was difficult. It was even harder to enter the empty> house She carried Jimmy's
belongings, and the plastic bag with the> lock of his hair to her son's room.> > She
started placing the model cars and ot her personal things back in> his room m
exactly where he had always kept them. She laid down across> his bed and, hugging
his pillow, cried herself to sleep.> > It was around midnight when Sally awoke.
Laying beside her on the bed> was a folded letter. The letter said :> > "Dear Mom, I
know you're going to miss me; but don't think that I will> ever forget you, or stop
loving you, just 'cause I'm not around to say> "I Love You" . I will always love
you, Mom, even more with each day.> Someday we will see each other again. Until
then, if you want to adopt> a little boy so you won't be so lon ely, that's okay
with me. He can> have my room and old stuff to play with. But, if you decide to get
a> girl instead, she probably wouldn't like the same things us boys do> You'll have
to buy her dolls and stuff girls like, you know. Don't be> sad thinking about me.
This really is a neat place. Grandma and> Grandpa met me as soon as I got here and
showed me around some, but it> will take a long time to see everything. The angels
are so cool. I> love to watch them fly. And, you know what? Jesus doesn't look like>
any of his pictures. Yet, when I saw Him, I knew it was Him. Jesus> himself took me
to see GOD ! And guess what, Mom ? I got to sit on> God's knee and talk to Him, like
I was somebody important. That's when> I told Him that I wanted to write you a
letter, to tell you good bye> and everything. But I already knew that wasn't
allowed. Well, you know> what Mom ? ;God handed me some paper and His own personal
pen to write> you this letter. I think Gabriel is the name of the angel who is
going> to drop this letter off to you. God said for me to give you the answer> to
one of the questions you asked Him 'Where was He when I needed him> ?' "God said He
was in the same place w ith me , as when His son Jesus> was on the cross. He was
right there, as He always is with all His> children. Oh, by the way, Mom, no one
else can see what I've written> except you. To everyone else this is just a blank
piece of paper.> Isn't that cool ? I have to give God His pen back now. He needs it
to> write some more names in the Book of Life. Tonight I get to sit at the> table
with Jesus for supper. I'm sure the food will be great.> > Oh, I almost forgot to
tell you. I don't hurt anymore. The cancer is> all gone. I'm glad because I couldn't
stand that pain anymore and God> couldn't stand to see me hurt so much, either.
That's when He sent The> Angel of Mercy to come get me. The Angel said I was a
Special Delivery> ! How about that ?> > Signed with Love from God, Jesus & Me.> > >
( Let's see Satan stop this one. ) Take 60 seconds and repost this,> wi thin t he
hour, you will have caused a multitude of believers to pray> to God for each other.
Then sit back and feel the Holy Spirit work in> your life for doing what you know
God loves "When you're down to> nothing, God is up to something.">
On one occasion, a family was at a shoe store where I was purchasing school shoes for my children. They had six children and were debating on which two children would get shoes, since they could not afford shoes for all six. I sought out the manager of the store and gave him enough money for the family to buy shoes for all of their children. I told him to wait until I left the store before telling them about the money. I did not want them to feel obligated to thank me or uncomfortable about accepting the gift. The family was then able to purchase shoes for all of their children. I did not care if the family knew me, however, I did want them to know WHY I was doing this. It was in memory of my beautiful daughter. This would have been the perfect opportunity to leave the Kindness card. Enter the "Random Acts of Kindness" card.
The family would never know me. Who I was is unimportant. But my child and her life is important. The first step in Project Kindness is to seek out ways, look for opportunities, to do something nice for someone. This takes very little creativity, as I have found kind deeds waiting to be done thousands of times. Here are some ideas of deeds for the Kindness Project:
Don’t forget to attach the Kindness Project Cards!! The best thing about the Kindness Project is the fun of anonymity. Be sure to leave the card and leave without being seen as often as you can! Do something kind every day! Share your loved one with the world!
Buy a meal for a young couple or family sitting next to you at a restaurant. Leave the Kindness card with the waitress to give them after you leave. It is a nice surprise they will never forget. It may even make them consider the mortality of their own children and lessen what time they may take for granted.
Partake in a Christmas Angel Program. Leave the card so they know your motivation of love!
Buy shoes or clothes for a family in need.
Bake cookies for a neighbor or teacher, just because.
Order a subscription to Angels Magazine for a family member. Ask that the Kindness card be enclosed in the first issue. It will reinforce, even to family, that your child is never forgotten.
Help an elderly person with yard work or grocery shopping. Many elderly people have a story or two to tell about their own baby that died many years ago.
Visit a nursing home and bring cupcakes. Sit and visit with a few of the residents. You'd be amazed at the loving reception you will receive as many residents rarely receive visitors.
Leave a bouquet at another child's grave at the cemetery. Let them know about our Kindness Project and your child!
Most electric companies allow individuals to assist families who are struggling with their electric bill. If you partake in the program, send your payment with a Kindness card and let them experience the love of your child.
Sign up to participate in a program such as Feed the Children. Your Kindness card will tell them the story of why you are doing this.
Donate to your favorite nonprofit group on your child's birthday or death day. Ask family members and friends to do the same.
Volunteer your time at a local homeless shelter or a crisis nursery.
Buy a new calendar for a workmate.
Donate some grief books to the library or a local support group.
Leave an extra large tip for your food server!
Buy the meal for the person behind you at the fast food drive through.
Leave a bouquet of flowers on someone’s front door step.
Bake goodies and take them to the police station, fire station, or hospital.
Pay a local teen to mow an elderly neighbor’s yard.
Crochet a baby’s blanket and take it to the hospital nursery. Premature babies can always use tiny booties and caps.
Buy a balloon bouquet and ask the nurses the children’s hospital to deliver them to a child.
Make a memorial donation to honor your loved one and a friend’s loved one.
Take a box of doughnuts to an elementary school for a classroom.
Plug someone’s parking meter.
Go to the post office in mid December and ask for of the “letters to Santa” that they get every year. Buy and send the gift on Christmas.
Adopt a street or just pick up litter in the neighborhood.
Leave your change in the soda machine for the next person. It's a nice surprise.
Buy coffee for the person standing behind you in line.
Write to management at places where you get especially good service and commend them (specify names!)
Tape a quarter to a pay phone with a note welcoming anyone who needs it to use it.
Adopt a family through a social service agency, not just at Christmas. People go hungry all year.
Plant a tree or some flowers for a local church. Perhaps offer to “build” a Memorial Garden.
Volunteer at a local shelter, crisis nursery or soup kitchen. This will give more to you than you can imagine.
Volunteer to read to children at your nearest library.
Send your child a note in his lunchbox. Remind them how special they are to you.
Organize a large toy, clothing and diaper drive for a crisis nursery.
Pay for a small child's candy at a convenient store.
Pay for someone's toll and/or gas.
Look for opportunities to open the door for someone or give up your seat for someone.
Buy lunch for the couple or family sitting next to you as you pay your own. Be sure to be secretive!
Buy a toy for a child in the store and ask the clerk to deliver it after you’ve gone.
The list of possible kindnesses is endless. Every act you extend will amaze you! The healing, peace and satisfaction which is born from every kindness is undeniable. It is one of the gifts our children have left behind for us to discover. Please order some of our Kindness cards. We have made them very affordable so that everyone can participate. Then send us your stories. We will publish "Kindness" stories in our newsletter and here on the website. Share your ideas with others and talk about the wonderful and miraculous love your child continues to share within your community. Let them all know that your child lives within your heart, still and always.
Joanne Cacciatore,
Founder,
M.I.S.S. Foundation
My thank you to the M.I.S.S. for this informaton from their website
http://www.missfoundation.org/kindness/ideas.html
CHECK OUT THIS WONDERFUL ORGANIZATION
They Have been my backbone for the last six years.....Michael..
About MISS
More than 120,000 children die every year in the United States. Of those, more than 80% die before their first birthday...
The MISS Foundation is a nonprofit corporation committed to helping families discover hope and eventually heal from the trauma of a child's death.
More information on the MISS Foundation visit our information packet link:
http://www.missfoundation.org/news/mediakit/index.html
Vision
That our programs will serve to strengthen families and communities when a child has died, and that through education and research, we will help to reduce the number of child deaths. No family should have to endure the pain of a child family member's death alone: The MISS Foundation is committed to building interdisciplinary communities that provide long-term support to families after a child's death. We are committed to the memory of the children who lived, who died, and who continue- even in death- to matter.
"A community of sorrow is the strongest community of all."
Memorial Donations
You may make a memorial donation in memory of a child. Acknowledgements will be listed in the MISSing Angels Newsletter and acknowledgement memorial cards sent. The monies will be used for our Emergency Services program, which provides free literature, books, and support group brochures to families who have experienced the death of their child. You can sponsor an entire Emergency Packet. We will also include a Kindness Project card signed in honor of your child or grandchild.
Memorial Donations or Emergency Packet Sponsors can send their gift to:
MISS Foundation- Memorial Donations
P.O. Box 5333
Peoria, Arizona 85385-5333
Or Donate Online
All donations are tax deductible
To contact the MISS Foundation:
International Office
1.623.979.1000
1.623.979.1001 fax
Toll Free in the U.S.
888 455-MISS (6477)
Written inquiries:
PO Box 5333
Peoria, Arizona 85385-5333
Email:
info@missfoundation.org
About the Kindness Project
The Kindness Project began in October of 1997 as a way for families to honor their deceased child and to help themselves heal. Now, years later, more than 500,000 Kindness Project cards have been used around the world to perform random acts of kindness in memory of a child, parent, friend, or spouse who died before their time.
The idea is to perform random acts of, usually anonymous, acts of kindness in your community. A little card is left behind so that the person who benefits from the kindness knows that someone's life and death continues to matter. This beautiful movement has helped thousands of families to heal and find positive outlets for their overwhelming grief.
The History of the Kindness Project
The Kindness Project is a worldwide movement to share our children (or other loved ones) with those who never had the honor to meet them. Let me tell you why I am so excited about this project...
My daughter, Cheyenne, died in July of 1994. It was the worst day of my life. I never imagined myself laughing or ever experiencing joy again.
I began to seek out ways to keep Cheyenne's memory alive to my family and to the rest of the world: I wanted to create a legacy. I wanted people to know that she existed and, more importantly, I wanted to help change the lives of others because of her presence on this earth.
So I set out on various missions of random kindness. On a daily basis, I looked for opportunities to reach out and do something unexpected and unusually kind for someone else. Most often, strangers were the recipients of these good deeds. I began to feel a sense of peace in knowing that Cheyenne was the reason for my enlightening.
The Kindness Project blossomed out of the extraordinary experiences I had while doing things for others. Because truly miraculous things happen to our spirit when we reach out to help others, I sought a way to share that movement with others.
It is our hope that through the Kindness Project, we can make incredible transformations within our communities, in our families, and in ourselves. Just imagine if every person touched by death would participate in helping to transform the world into a gentler and more altruistic world! What an impact this would have on so many levels!
The Kindness Project reminds others that our children, and other loved ones, are so very important to us that we are willing to extend the life and love of our child and share it with others! It is a legacy that transcends death. It is a legacy of love.
Joanne Cacciatore
joanne@missfoundation.org
Kindness Stories Read stories about how others have used the Kindness Project to share their lost loved one with the world!
More Kindness Stories! Here you can read more stories of Kindness acts as well as post your own kindness story! Share *your* loved one with the world on the Kindness Project forum board.
Kindess Project Ideas The first step in Project Kindness is to seek out ways, look for opportunities, to do something nice for someone. This takes very little creativity, as I have found kind deeds waiting to be done thousands of times.
Kindness Cards Here are samples of the Kindness cards, available in two styles. Order yours today and start spreading kindness wherever you go!
Articles - Read articles that have appeared in local newspapers about the Kindness Project. Random acts of kindness are showing up all over!
"Above all we must realize that each of us
makes a difference with our life. Each of us
impacts the world around us every single
day. We have a choice to use the gift of our life to
make the world a better place - or not to bother."
-Jane Goodall
Remember Dawn and All the Children on 12/9/07 ..Light a Candle or Attend Cerermony With me in Phoenix / Michael
This year's National Children's Memorial Day is on
December 9, 2007
National Children's Memorial Day happens every year on the second Sunday of December and is observed internationally. Families around the world light candles at 7 p.m. in their corresponding time zones. As candles burn down in one time zone, they are lighted in the next, creating a 24-hour wave of light that encircles the globe. This remembrance ceremony provides the world with lit candles for an entire 24 hour period in order to honor the children we have lost, the children who lived and died, and who, even in death, continue to matter.
This years candle ceremony in Phoenix will be at ...
Sunday 12/9/2007
Unity Church
1600 East Greenway
Phoenix, Az.
6:30 pm
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