Let's Offend Everybody! lol

Q. What's the Cuban National Anthem?

A. Row, Row, Row Your Boat.  

Q.  Where does an Irish family go on vacation?

A.   A different bar.  

Q.  What did the Chinese couple name their tan, curly-haired baby?

A.  Sum Ting Wong .  

Q.  What do you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?

A.     A speech impediment.    

Q.  Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek ?

A.     Because they're not going to work in the future either.  

Q.  Why do Driver Ed classes in redneck schools use the car only on

Mondays , Wednesdays and Fridays?

A.  Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.  

Q.  What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?

A.  The southern zoo has a description of the animal along with a recipe.  

Q  How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the 'F' word?

A.    Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell, 'BINGO!'  

Q.  What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale???

A.   A northern fairytale begins, ...'Once upon a time...'  

      A southern fairytale begins, ... 'Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit.'

Q..   Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?

A.      Because all the Mexicans who can run, jump or swim are already in the United States

 

  OH shut up ... just pass it on!.....

Was a Wild Ride

Well the pics from my accident last week should help you understand Faith and I know My Angel was watching over me.I had the unfortunate time of an accident on Monday,Those here in Phoenix were kept up to date as it was the story on the news for that evening.I was traveling  and a woman turned left in front of me causing a collision with her, after hitting her car I was propelled in to the front end of a tour bus which was sitting still..The scary part of it all for me was hearing as I was being removed from car that there were children on the bus..ALL were unharmed which really is all that mattered,Unfortunately I broke my neck in 2 places and broke my sternum,So you should be hearing more from me here on my Blog as I recoup. Those of you who know this  tough ole Paison      Know that I will be back even stronger...Thank you to all that have flooded us with calls,visits etc..Think my crew might have freeked out the emergency room a bit never expected to see over 20 people within minutes of my arrival to hospital....I love ya all and Thanks Again   ....Chicago Mike

Medical Distinction ... Guts Vs Balls

  There is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls. We've all heard
 about people having Guts or Balls, but do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, here are the definitions:
 
 GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met
 by your wife with a broom, and having the Guts to ask: 'Are you still
 cleaning, or , are you flying somewhere?'
 
 BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the Balls to say: 'You're next, Chubby.'
 
 I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.

 Medically speaking there is no difference.
 
 Both result in sudden death.

Woman Driving Men ???

I have had to finally take the time to discuss this issue I have....I just dont get it......OK here goes Have all the men in this world become soft peaches?? Every car I pass has the woman driving the man?? Maybe its my era or their new era but its awful sissy like if you want to know...Cmon remember when you were a kid?? How many times did Mom say to Dad I'll drive..lol right never happened As a father of 5 I have to say I always did the driving, Now I know not all of you guys have a DUI, Its bad enough we have men shaving there legs, Metro sexual is now kool?? These muffins wouldnt have lasted a day on our street..So I dont want to drag this out any further I am just appalled to the point that I had to make this statement..Cmon guys Old school rules and manors still work...Buy a car quit having your girl pick you up for a date..You may think you are special but be assured your a muffin..And you married guys Quit being a grown up muffin and go back to being a man and take control of the family vehicle and stop being a whiney girls seat driver.Bad enough your wife has you and your boys dressed in Crocs..Man up America

MISS Foundation

This is a foundation of Angels, When I met the Founder Dr. Joanne Cacciatore 7 yrs ago at a memorial candle ceremony, I felt like there were others who understood!,Such a warm and caring person, Truly a marvelous Women, Please let me share this wonderful organization with you.... 

The MISS Foundation is a 501 (c) 3, volunteer based organization committed to providing crisis support and long term aid to families after the death of a child from any cause. MISS also participates in legislative and advocacy issues, community engagement and volunteerism, and culturally competent, multidisciplinary, education opportunities.

A Message from Dr. Joanne Cacciatore, Founder

Welcome to the MISS Foundation's online support site. If you are a family member experiencing the death of a child, we extend our deepest empathy. There simply are not words to express the depth of the sorrow...we are here to share the pain and we want you to know that we will walk with you.

There is so much to learn and see in the MISS Foundation website. In addition to the online support site, we also have face-to-face support groups in certain areas. The "Families" section contains current and back issues of our award-winning newsletter, MISSing Angels, as well as our online support groups, a place to find face-to-face support or information on beginning your own MISS Foundation Support Chapter, and even a downloadable funeral planner.

The online "Forums" contain 27 online support groups with thousands of members and we welcome you to join our online community.

In our professionals section,there is information on our workshops and speakers available to present in your facility about many topics relating to child death.

And there is so much more information contained in our pages...take your time and browse. Feel free to ask questions and know that there is no greater tragedy than the death of a child. You do not walk alone.

Joanne Cacciatore, PhD, MSW, FT

About MISS

More than 120,000 children die every year in the United States. Of those, more than 80% die before their first birthday...
The MISS Foundation is a nonprofit corporation committed to helping families discover hope and eventually heal from the trauma of a child's death.

More information on the MISS Foundation visit our information packet link:
http://www.missfoundation.org/news/mediakit/index.html

Vision

That our programs will serve to strengthen families and communities when a child has died, and that through education and research, we will help to reduce the number of child deaths. No family should have to endure the pain of a child family member's death alone: The MISS Foundation is committed to building interdisciplinary communities that provide long-term support to families after a child's death. We are committed to the memory of the children who lived, who died, and who continue- even in death- to matter.


"A community of sorrow is the strongest community of all."

Memorial Donations

You may make a memorial donation in memory of a child. Acknowledgements will be listed in the MISSing Angels Newsletter and acknowledgement memorial cards sent. The monies will be used for our Emergency Services program, which provides free literature, books, and support group brochures to families who have experienced the death of their child. You can sponsor an entire Emergency Packet. We will also include a Kindness Project card signed in honor of your child or grandchild.

Memorial Donations or Emergency Packet Sponsors can send their gift to:

MISS Foundation- Memorial Donations
P.O. Box 5333
Peoria, Arizona 85385-5333

Or Donate Online

All donations are tax deductible

To contact the MISS Foundation:

International Office
1.623.979.1000
1.623.979.1001 fax

Toll Free in the U.S.
888 455-MISS (6477)

Written inquiries:
PO Box 5333
Peoria, Arizona 85385-5333

Email:
info@missfoundation.org

Another Crazy Law ...You Need To Know

A GOOD THING TO KNOW:

New Law: If a patrol car is pulled over to the side of the road, you
must change to the next lane (away from the stopped vehicle) or
slow down by 20 mph. Every state except Hawaii and Mary land and D.C.
has adopted this law now.

In New Jersey, the "Move-over" law became operative in 2009, fine up to
$500. http://www.moveoveramerica.com/

A friend's son got a ticket for this recently. A police car (turned out
it was 2 police cars) was on the side of the road giving a ticket
to someone else. He slowed down to pass but did not move into the other
lane. The second police car immediately pulled him over and gave him
a ticket. He had never heard of the law.

It is a fairly new law that states if any emergency vehicle is on the
side of the road, if you are able, you are to move into the far
lane. The cost of the ticket was $754, with 3 points on your license
and a mandatory court appearance.

Please tell everyone you know about this new law.
As of now the map shows that New York, Maryland and Hawaii do not have
this law.

Why Dogs Bite People

New Credit Card Scam

 Man they are getting slick!!!

New Credit Card Scam
Snopes.Com says this is true. To verify see this site: http://www.snopes.com/crime/warnings/creditcard.asp

This one is pretty slick since they provide YOU with all the information, except the one piece they want.

Note, the callers do not ask for your card number; they already have it... This information is worth reading. By understanding how the VISA & Master Card Telephone Credit Card Scam works, you'll be better prepared to protect yourself.

One of our employees was called on Wednesday from 'VISA', and I was called on Thursday from 'Master Card'.. The scam works like this: Caller: 'This is (name), and I'm calling from the Security and Fraud Department at VISA. My Badge number is 12460. Your card has been flagged for an unusual purchase pattern, and I'm calling to verify. This would be on your VISA card which was issued by (name of bank). Did you purchase an Anti-Telemarketing Device for $497..99 from a Marketing company based in ?'

When you say 'No', the caller continues with, 'Then we will be issuing a credit to your account. This is a company we have been watching and the charges range from $297 to $497, just under the $500 purchase pattern that flags most cards. Before your next statement, the credit will be sent to (gives you your address), i s that correct?'

You say 'yes'. The caller continues - 'I will be starting a Fraud investigation. If you have any questions, you should call the 1- 800 number listed on the back of your card (1-800 -VISA) and ask for Security.'

You will need to refer to this Control Number. The caller then gives you a 6 digit number. 'Do you need me to read it again?'

Here's the IMPORTANT part on how the scam works. The caller then says, 'I need to verify you are in possession of your card'. He'll ask you to 'turn your card over and look for some numbers'. There are 7 numbers; the first 4 are part of your card number, the next 3 are the security Numbers that verify you are the possessor of the card. These are the numbers you sometimes use to make Internet purchases to prove you have the card. The caller will ask you to read the 3 numbers to him. After you tell the caller the 3 numbers, he'll say, 'That is correct, I just needed to verify that the card has not been lost or stolen, and that you still have your card. Do you have any other questions?' After you say No, the caller then thanks you and states, 'Don't hesitate to call back if you do, and hangs up.

You actually say very little, and they never ask for or tell you the Card number.. But after we were called on Wednesday, we called back within 20 minutes to ask a question.. Are we glad we did! The REAL VISA Security Department told us it was a scam and in the last 15 minutes a new purchase of $497.99 was charged to our card.

Long story - short - we made a real fraud report and closed the VISA account. VISA is reissuing us a new number. What the scammers want is the 3-digit PIN number on the back of the card Don't give it to them. Instead, tell them you'll call VISA or Master card directly for verification of their conversation. The real VISA told us that they will never ask for anything on the card as they already know the information since they issued the card! If you give the scammers your 3 Digit PIN Number, you think you're receiving a credit. However, by the time you get your statement you'll see charges for purchases you didn't make, and by then it's almost too late and/or more difficult to actually file a fraud report.

What makes this more remarkable is that on Thursday, I got a call from a 'Jason Richardson of Master Card' with a word-for-word repeat of the VISA scam. This time I didn't let him finish. I hung up! We filed a police report, as instructed by VISA. The police said they are taking several of these reports daily! They also urged us to tell everybody we know that this scam is happening.

Bible Vs. Cell Phone

Great Email I received today...

 

 

 Ever wonder what would happen if we treated our Bible like we treat our cell phone? 

 

 What if we carried it around in our purses or pockets? 

 

  What if we flipped through it several time a day? 

 

  What if we turned back to go get it if we forgot it? 

 

  What if we used it to receive messages from the text? 

 

  What if we treated it like we couldn't live without it? 

 

  What if we gave it to Kids as gifts? 

 

  What if we used it when we traveled? 

 

  What if we used it in case of emergency? 

 

  This is something to make you go....hmm...where is my Bible? 

  

 Oh, and one more thing.

 

 Unlike our cell phone, we don't have to worry about our Bible being

 disconnected because Jesus already paid the bill.

 

 Makes you stop and think 'where are my priorities? And no dropped calls! 

 

 When Jesus died for us, he was thinking of you! 

If you are one of the 7% who will stand up for  

 Him, forward this.  93% of the people won't forward it.

 

 

Changes Happen ........LoL

Being a hardcore Hard Rock and Heavy Metal Head all these years....This jam just rocks me..Thought Id share it......

Undertaker 18 and 0 at Wrestlemania

3 tombstones. 3 Sweet Chin Music's. The greatest match in wrestling match was surpassed by same two men doing it again with Micheal's career on the line. This match was like two heavy people on a see saw. I was amazed. The counters were unspeakable. Shawn Micheals backwards flip onto the UnderTaker was amazing. The figure four leg locks and hell's gate were unbelievable.

Shawn then kicked out of a tombstone. Undertaker in disbelief stared down at him. "Stay Down!" was shouted by the Taker. Micheals clawed at the Taker trying to stand up. Micheals was desperate, not even being able to get up as he looked like a broken man. The Undertaker stood tall above. Then...
Micheals then slapped the Undertaker. The fasted Tombstone  ever seen to man executed was hit. 1-2-3. Goodbye HBK...The end of another legend 

Who Remembers Santa's Village

Heres a Great Pictorial Memory For You.......

Santa's Village Dundee

Santa's Village in East Dundee, Illinois (1959-2006) was a theme park built in 1959 by H. Glenn Holland who also built the other two in San Bernardino County, California and Santa Cruz County, California. This park was the third and last that he built. The buildings were modeled on what an average child might imaging Santa's Village would look like. When it opened, it was a very prominent theme park. Over the parks history more than 20 million people passed through the front gates.

One addition to the park, opened in 1963, was the Polar Dome which provided an ice skating and hockey venue under a forced-air supported dome. On November 28, 1966, a strong wind caused the Polar Dome to collapse. [1] The dome was then replaced by a flat cedar roof.

The unsuccessful launch of the Typhoon roller coaster and decreased attention to the aesthetics of the park eventually prompted the corporation to sell. The sale did not proceed as smoothly as hoped, and with many setbacks and unmet deadlines the park had to shut its doors.

Discussion are underway for a new Santa’s Village in Utica, Illinois. This new park would incorporate the look of the original three Santa’s Villages, including original rides, attractions, and shops.

A Must Read

IN CASE  YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THIS.   
READ  CAREFULLY..........
This is so  "Unbelievable"....  


In Houston  ...

Harwin Central Mall: The very first store that you come to when  you walk from the lobby of the building into the shopping area
 Had  this sign posted on their door. The shop is run by Muslims. 
Feel  free to share this with others.

Imam Ali  flew one of the planes into the twin towers.

Nice huh?
Try telling  me we're not in a
Religious  war!

WHY WOMEN SHOULDN'T TAKE MEN SHOPPING

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to
Target.
Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get
in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she
loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from
the local Target.

Dear Mrs. Samuel,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our
store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both
of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samuel,
are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other
people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute
intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,
'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to
leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that
in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time
and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on
layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children
shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from
the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and
screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a
mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked
the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming
the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by
using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through,
yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed
a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'


And last, but not least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile,
then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of
the clerks passed out.